Parental Alienation and the Impact of Loyalty Conflicts

When parents separate or divorce, the emotional impact on children is inevitable. However, the primary source of harm is not the separation itself but the ongoing conflict between parents, especially when children are drawn into these disputes.

This phenomenon is central to parental alienation and often manifests as loyalty conflicts, where children feel pressured to align with one parent against the other due to manipulation, coercion, or psychological influence.

Understanding Loyalty Conflicts

A loyalty conflict arises when a child attempts to maintain affection and positive feelings toward both parents, even when the parents are angry or hostile toward one another.

A low level of divided loyalty for a short period is typically not harmful, as the child may recognize that their parents argue occasionally but generally resolve their disagreements.

However, severe loyalty conflicts occur when parental disputes are persistent and overt, particularly when one or both parents pressure the child to take sides.

For example:

• If the mother expects the child to align with her, the child may feel guilty for not siding with the father.
• If the father pressures the child to support him, the child may feel distressed at the perceived rejection of the mother.

These dynamics trap the child in an ongoing struggle, involving external parental disputes and internal conflicts over their love for both parents. Such situations can lead to emotional distress and long-term developmental harm.

The Role of Triangulation in Loyalty Conflicts and Family Dynamics

In family systems theory, triangulation describes a dynamic where a third party, often a child, is drawn into parental conflicts. A frequent example is the cross-generational coalition, where a child is pulled into an alignment with one parent against the other.

Dr. William Bernet, Professor Emeritus in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, has extensively studied the effects of parental conflict and loyalty issues on children, particularly in contexts involving Intimate Partner Distress (IPD) and Intimate Partner Violence (IPV).

Intimate Partner Distress (IPD)

Refers to emotional, relational, or psychological struggles within a romantic or intimate relationship.

May include communication issues, feelings of disconnect, or dissatisfaction with the relationship.

Does not inherently involve abuse, violence, or harmful intent.

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) 

Refers to abuse or aggression that occurs in a romantic or intimate relationship. 

Can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic status. 

Is a serious public health issue and includes a range of harmful behaviors aimed at exerting power and control over a partner.

Dr. Bernet has emphasized how parental conflict and triangulation profoundly affect children’s mental and emotional well-being.

LEARN MORE: Alienating Parents Cause Their Children’s Psychiatric Symptoms

Dr. William Bernet’s Contributions to IPD, IPV, and CAPRD

Dr. William Bernet is a renowned forensic psychiatrist recognized for his expertise in parental alienation, child custody disputes, and the psychological impact of divorce on children.

Through his extensive research, Dr. Bernet has made significant contributions to understanding how parental conflicts influence children’s mental health. 

One of his notable achievements includes shaping the diagnostic framework for Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress (CAPRD), as outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5).

CAPRD in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5)

CAPRD is categorized under “Other Conditions That May Be a Focus of Clinical Attention” in the DSM-5. It describes situations where a child’s mental health is adversely impacted by high levels of parental conflict, separation, or violence. 

CAPRD emphasizes the relational dynamics of these issues and how they manifest in children.

The DSM-5 specifies CAPRD as relevant in cases where:

• A child experiences significant distress due to parental discord.
• The distress is linked to emotional or behavioral symptoms caused by parental conflict, separation, or violence.

In cases of parental alienation, CAPRD is often the most fitting diagnosis.

Key Contributions to CAPRD

Dr. Bernet, alongside co-authors Marianne Z. Wamboldt and William E. Narrow, expanded on CAPRD’s conceptualization in the 2016 article “Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress.” 

This publication further clarifies CAPRD as a relational issue defined by the DSM-5, providing a critical framework for clinicians and researchers.

READ ARTICLE HERE: Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress

Dr. Bernet’s work continues to guide professionals in addressing the relational challenges affecting children in the context of Intimate Partner Distress (IPD), Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), and high-conflict divorces.

Dr. Bernet’s work underscores the importance of recognizing CAPRD in clinical practice, highlighting that children may develop behavioral, cognitive, affective, and physical symptoms when exposed to varying degrees of parental relationship distress, including IPD and IPV. 

By identifying CAPRD, clinicians can better address the relational patterns that contribute to or exacerbate adverse mental health outcomes in children.

The Harm of Loyalty Conflicts on Children

Loyalty conflicts profoundly and lastingly affect children’s mental health, emotional development, and well-being.

Emotional Distress and Anxiety

Children often experience guilt, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. They may develop sleep disturbances and depression.

Cognitive Dissonance and Confusion

Struggling to reconcile their love for both parents with one parent’s negative portrayal of the other, children may find it hard to trust and navigate relationships.

Low Self-Esteem and Attachment Issues

A disrupted relationship with one parent undermines a child’s sense of worth and security, leading to difficulties in forming trusting relationships in adulthood.

Moral and Ethical Development

Exposure to black-and-white portrayals of one parent as “good” and the other as “bad” hinders the development of fairness, empathy, and nuanced moral reasoning.

Behavioral Problems

Children under stress from loyalty conflicts may exhibit defiance, aggression, or manipulative behaviors modeled by the alienating parent.

LEARN MORE: Understanding Child Maltreatment and its Impact on Parental Alienation

Long-Term Consequences

The emotional toll of loyalty conflicts extends well into adulthood. Adults who experienced loyalty conflicts as children may:

• Struggle with long-term anxiety or depressive disorders.
• Exhibit difficulty forming healthy, balanced relationships.
• Harbor unresolved resentment toward one or both parents.
• Face challenges in managing conflict constructively, often replicating dysfunctional patterns in their own families.

How Parents Cause Triangulation and Loyalty Conflicts

Badmouthing the Other Parent  

Criticizing the other parent forces the child to align with the criticizing parent to maintain peace.

Withholding Access or Contact  

Limiting the other parent’s involvement leads the child to view that parent as less important.

Excluding the Other Parent from Decisions 

Omitting the other parent from major life decisions reinforces the perception of one parent as more competent.

Rewarding Rejection 

Praising the child for rejecting the other parent encourages estrangement.

Using the Child as a Messenger 

Involving the child in disputes places undue stress on them.

Emotional Manipulation 

Creating guilt when the child shows affection for the other parent pressures them to reject that parent.

These behaviors deepen the loyalty conflict, entangling the child in the parental dispute and forcing them to make emotionally fraught choices.

Protecting Children from Loyalty Conflicts

Preventing loyalty conflicts requires active cooperation among parents, mental health professionals, and family courts. 

Strategies include:

• Promoting Healthy Co-Parenting – Avoid negative remarks and prioritize the child’s well-being.
• Encouraging Open Communication – Allow children to express love for both parents without fear of judgment.
• Therapeutic Interventions – Family therapy can address conflict and provide children with support.
• Parental Education – Co-parenting programs equip parents with strategies to reduce conflict and focus on the child’s needs.
• Legal Intervention – Courts may need to intervene when parents fail to shield children from conflict, with detailed court orders enforcing accountability.

Conclusion

Dr. William Bernet’s work underscores the critical importance of addressing Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress (CAPRD) and the lasting harm caused by loyalty conflicts. 

These issues are far more than temporary disruptions—they represent profound psychological and emotional challenges that can reshape a child’s development and well-being. 

By prioritizing cooperative co-parenting, fostering open and honest communication, and seeking legal or therapeutic interventions when necessary, families can protect children from the damaging effects of parental disputes.

Every child has the fundamental right to love and trust both parents freely, without the burdens of fear, guilt, or pressure. 

Recognizing and addressing the emotional toll of loyalty conflicts allows parents, professionals, and the legal system to create an environment where children can grow and thrive in a stable and supportive atmosphere. 

Together, we can ensure that children are nurtured in a way that honors their needs, emotional health, and developmental potential.